If you've been keeping up with this (fairly new) blog, you know that I have changed my beliefs and discovered exactly who I am in this world. But before this had ever happened, I was a Christian claiming to be "in the World, but not of it". In retrospect, that was a complete lie. I thought I wasn't of the world but... indeed I was.
I placed much emphasis on trying to grasp vain things like big bank accounts, fancy clothes, respectable titles, etc. (Even though the Word never instructs us to go after vanity or materialistic things). I chased after becoming a great women in the world and I was in heavy pursuit.
Then everything changed...
I woke up...my senses were elevated and I was able to realize the BS that I and a lot of other people was/are chasing.
I call them falsities (dreams).
Before this year, I never really put much thought into those falsities but I was becoming much more aware of them. However, I was so busy pursuing my 'purpose' that I didn't even realize that I was chasing after a dream, even though that's what I thought I was supposed to be doing at the time.
I was taught to desire the "American Dream," to pursue higher learning, to reach for the stars and become my greatest potential...I did that, all of that. I went to school, I earned great grades, I was making that dream come to life.
Yet, I was still unsatisfied...
I was also going to church every Sunday (or most Sundays), tithing, "trying" my best to live according to His word and be a great Christian while waiting on my blessing...
Yet again, I was still unsatisfied...
Now that I think about it, I really wasn't trying to be the best anything. I mean, yes, I did fantastic in school but I kept studying a major that I often said I hated; one that I knew essentially opposed everything I learning about the Bible, but I kept studying it. Moreover, I claimed that I was trying to be a great Christian (and maybe I did) and though I did not do majorly disrespectful or harmful things while I was a Christian; nevertheless, I still had persistent flaws with the way I was living, behaving, and thinking.
Looking back now I see that through chasing all of those falsities (or dreams), I myself became one too. You cannot think that if you are chasing a lie, that you won't become a lie too, right? Even if you think you are not, you are...because deep down you'll know that something isn't right...but the more you chase after it (whatever it maybe), the less you'll be able to (or even want to) see what is and isn't a lie anymore...
But I have changed. I gave up those falsities and I truly do not desire them anymore. In the beginning it was hard, I mean, you are literally going against everything you've learn throughout your whole life and the reason I was turning my back on it all was because I decided to follow the Word truthfully, putting forth real effort this time. Essentially, I decided to give up my life...life as I knew it; celebrating birthdays, holidays, eating all sorts of foods, living in sin, and pursuing my own desires in life...
Overall, this year has taught me many things about this world, the Word, and myself. I am beginning to realize my place in this puzzle and what I need to do in order to not be sucked back into any falsity again.
Now, I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I truly desire, while using every ounce of effort in my body, to follow the Word and live according to His way.
And though it's not always easy, I'm so glad and thankful I am pursuing this way of life now. It is the best thing that has ever happened to me because I am finally free from chasing a dream and now I realize the truth.
...I can only hope that other people will begin to recognize where they have erred in their ways and instead, develop a deep desire to follow Him in truth too.
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